Is this thing on? Is anyone still there? I wouldn’t be surprised if I was speaking to myself after leaving for 2+ months, but I just couldn’t talk about myself or my cancer any more. But, since today is Father’s Day and my Dad has been asking me to write, it’s a little gift to him, and to myself.
A quick and dirty update before I get into a long-winded update on my experience. I finished radiation and have my next set of scans on July 12th. The oncologist is happy with how things look on the surface…and we’ll know what, if anything, lurks below by mid-July.
Now for my unexpected insights into radiation. Radiation was much harder than I expected. It wasn’t nearly as physically as demanding as chemo, but mentally it really knocked me on my butt.
A quick reminder: during chemo, I was at the oncologist’s office every Monday, on short days for an hour and on long days for 5 hours or so. The long days were every three weeks, and those treatments were the cocktail that left me fuzzy for a week. The short ones were the Herceptin and later Herceptin and Zometa. That once weekly appointment seemed to work well for me. I was in the office often enough to have some sense of security with my treatment, but I was also able to almost forget that I was going through treatment during the second and third weeks of the schedule.
Radiation is much different. I was at the doctor’s office every day, Monday through Friday at 9:30. The staff was wonderful, and I looked forward to seeing all my girls in the office. It was short, usually. On the days when the machine was working properly, I was in and out in 15 minutes, if necessary. Truth be told, usually I was there longer because I tend to talk and visit and bring cupcakes and such. However, the actual treatment was fast.
But it was EVERY. STINKING. DAY. And there is no way to forget that cancer infiltrates every tiny inch of your life when you wake up each day and head into another treatment. There was no escaping the reality that my time, daily and long-term, is dictated by these tiny, rampaging, rogue cells that are trying to kill me.
I felt so untethered that first Friday that I woke up and didn’t have to drive to St. Joe’s. We had left for Savannah on the Thursday afternoon of my last treatment, and waking up 300 miles away drove that freedom home. I didn’t have to spend an hour on GA 400 headed south in morning rush hour traffic. I didn’t have to get into that damned robe. I didn’t have to lie still and count out the 308 seconds that I heard the machine whine.
And I didn’t have to talk-or write-about my cancer.
I hope that you understand my need to have some space. If you don’t, I certainly appreciate you taking the time to follow my journey up to now. Moving forward, my goal is to update at least once a week.
Next up will probably be all about the actual radiation treatment experience. Feel free to leave questions in the comments section and I will do my best to answer.
Patty said,
June 20, 2010 at 6:52 pm
It is so good to hear how you are! I always assume no news is good news. I knew radiation was difficult and was hoping you were just going about life! You write when you want and share when you want and yes everyone will be there for you!
Sue Rothstein said,
June 20, 2010 at 9:21 pm
I’m so happy to hear you’re through with radiation, and feeling like writing again! I’ve just started journalling for myself and I’m writing about things to be thankful for each day. My next entry will be how thankful I am to hear that you’ve completed your treatment, and wish you all good reports going forward. This month marks 2 years since I was diagnosed. All my reports have been great, and I’m certainly thankful for that! Hope you enjoyed Father’s Day with the men most important in your life.
xoxox
sarahfeather said,
June 21, 2010 at 8:07 am
I’m at D-F every day this week, it’s only Monday, and I’m already hating it. And it’s only for a week! You’re a trouper. Congratulations on your freedom, and welcome back!
Audrey said,
June 21, 2010 at 5:13 pm
Thanks for bringing us up to speed and back into your life. I am so glad radiation is behind you and I wish you only positive scans, reports and life events moving forward.
Randi said,
June 29, 2010 at 12:56 am
hi-
just had some “free” time at almost 1am to read some of your blog…wow. thank you for sharing…this unplanned journey! you are certainly strong, and i know you will complete it , and conquer it with flying colors!!! thinking of you and sending love and positive thoughts!
Beth Curran said,
June 29, 2010 at 7:39 am
Lots of love, sweetie!
Zenny said,
July 7, 2010 at 10:40 am
I was so worried when you didn’t update, but knew that bothering you to update was about me – and your blog and your treatment are really all about you and getting your gorgeous self well. I have all crossables crossed until the 12th. Congratulations on your continued strength and willingness to share your journey. MWAH!
Susanna Martinez said,
July 11, 2010 at 1:47 pm
Good luck tomorrow with the next set of scans. We’re thinking about you and wishing the best for you and your adorable, sweet, precious boys.